Scotland, Day 4: The Cairngorms – Lochnagar

Lord Byron eulogised this mountain in 1807:

England! thy beauties are tame and domestic

To one who has roved o’er the  mountains afar:

Oh for the crags that are wild and majestic,

The steep frowning glories of the dark Loch na Garr.

In contrast, Queen Victoria wrote of Lochnagar in September 1848:

“But alas! Nothing whatever to be seen; and it was cold, and wet, and cheerless. At about twenty minutes after two we set off on our way downwards, the wind blowing a hurricane, and the mist being like rain, and everything quite dark with it”.

After experiencing Lochnagar on a bleak day in December, I agree with the poet’s “wild”, “steep” and “dark” but otherwise I’m with Queen Vic. We woke bright and early in the Spittal of Glenmuick and met our friend Mike at the Lochnagar car park before sunrise. We set off on the 10ish-mile hike in a mix of fog, drizzle and gloom, disappointed with the weather but glad for the company.

The first section took us across a flat, heather-covered plain, with Loch Muick away to the south and a dark line of trees to the north. We couldn’t see much through the fog, but I knew that Loch Muick was cradled on three sides by steep ridges; I expect it’s stunning on a clear day. Lochnagar is within a few miles of the Balmoral estate, and I could just imagine the Queen (maybe a few years ago) tearing round the track in a Landrover, or a shotgun-wielding Philip bumbling after some grouse.

It was an easygoing route  for about three miles, along a wide, stony track up a gradual incline. We branched off left about a mile east of Meikle Pap, where the track turned into a slabbed stone path. I got overexcited at catching a glimpse of a few startled red grouse, then we hit the snow and the hike got a bit more complicated.

Just as the path started getting scrambley, patches of snow appeared. Snow does a great job of concealing paths, especially when the landscape is strewn with rocks, covered in wild, tufty vegetation and bereft of other summit-seeking humans. We followed it as best we could but did a lot of guessing, aiming in the direction of “up” and “west-ish”.

The vegetation disappeared, and after scrambling up a formless sea of steep, slippery rocks, keeping close to avoid losing each other, we hit real trouble – just as I got excited at a flock of winter-white ptarmigans. Mulling over why on earth anything would choose to live up there, we struggled through an annoying mix of soft, calf-deep snow and hard, unyielding ice. As we reached a kind of plateau, the rocks grew sparse, the climb became less steep, and the already hurricane-like conditions worsened.

Lochnagar stands at a lofty 1,156m above sea level and curves around a beautiful northern corrie (I know it’s pretty thanks to Google images). The path follows the ridge along the top edge of the corrie, so the exposure is huge and complacency could result in a massive fall. This was problematic as by this time visibility was non-existent, we were ill-equipped (no crampons or axes – terrible foresight) and we didn’t know exactly where the summit was. Or where we were.

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White-out

As we pushed on, I truly understood the term “white-out” for the first time. The only way to distinguish “up” and “down” was by looking at the other two and seeing where their feet were in relation to their heads. Ice, snow, cloud and sky all merged into one disorienting, blinding, infinite nothingness, like in a dream in a film, until little dark specks appeared and I tried to blink them away. Communication was limited to shouting in each others’ ears, and any exposed inch of skin was beaten raw by the strong, bitterly icy winds.

Just when it couldn’t get any worse, it did. We reached a false summit and the ground became sheet ice. Literally like an ice rink, only harder and less flat. I’m sure we went round in circles for a bit, slipping over constantly, resorting to bum-shuffling and actually laughing at our own ridiculousness while remaining acutely aware of our proximity to the deadly edge of the ridge. Still determined to reach the summit, we paused for a painfully cold moment to check the map and decided simply to follow the compass north to where we thought it was.

This decisiveness saved the day, and as the towering pile of rocks loomed through the whiteness I almost collapsed with relief – I’ve never been so delighted to reach a trigpoint. I slipped onto my trusty old compass and snapped it, fortunately without stabbing myself, but it had done what it needed to do. We fumbled about for a quick photo, then practically flew back down the mountain, eyebrows, eyelashes and beards (even mine) heavy with ice.

I would have liked to make it a circular route and gone back along the north side of Loch Muick, but given the conditions we decided the way we came was the quickest and most certain way to the pub, and it’d look the same anyway. The fog had cleared slightly once we were back on the wide, stony track, revealing a rugged, heathery landscape. From there, the walk back was made a drag by our cold, wet-through clothes and desperation for a drink, but we reached the car park eventually. Lochnagar is definitely one to come back to on a better day, but I was glad for the adventure we had.

Semi-thawed, we drove to find a pub before heading to Perth for the night. We ended up collapsing on the sofas in the Deeside Inn at Ballater. It couldn’t have stood in starker contrast to the bleakness of a few hours earlier; the lounge was a huge room with deep red walls, thick curtains and dark wood beams, lit softly and warmed by a roaring fire. It had tartan sofas with pheasant-patterned cushions, a big Christmas tree, books, boardgames, a piano, complimentary crisps and (most importantly) cider. I think my life peaked at that moment – in there, the world was perfect.

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Adventuring West: A Weekend of Climbing, Surfing and Pub-hopping

Last weekend I learnt about cold water, wet rock and hard drink.

Bude

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Sunrise at Seatown

We left for Cornwall on Thursday evening and stopped overnight in Dorset, where we were spoiled by a stunning seaside sunrise at Seatown. We arrived in Bude late morning, by which time the mist had lifted to reveal clear blue skies and the air had a deliciously spring-like warmth. Keen to make the most of the weather, we decided to jump straight into the water.

I was so excited to be back in the sea that I quickly forgot two things: the cold and how to surf. Within minutes I had 1) snapped the leash, 2) realised that I’d seriously under-waxed the board (so amateur), and 3) got annoyed that I wasn’t instantly the most competent surfer in North Cornwall.

Also, the feeling of rough sand between semi-numb toes was unpleasant enough for me to regret leaving the surf boots in the van (idiot). The strong cross-current at Summerleaze beach meant that I took five painfully slow steps sideways for every metre gained paddling out, and I only stood up a [small] handful of times after several poorly judged attempts. Despite a terrible performance, I had a great time in the sea.

After a couple of hours of grinning at caught waves and swearing at missed ones, I lumbered (there’s nothing graceful about carrying a surfboard in a cross-wind) inland to my water bottle to dilute the gallons of saltwater I’d swallowed. Frustrated by the current and battered by the unrelenting sea, we heard the clock strike beer o’clock and thought it unholy to be late for mid-afternoon mass.

Refuelled and rehydrated, our little group went exploring the pretty, bustling streets of Bude. It reminded me of Perranporth – something to do with the layout and the mix of touristy shops and quirky little pubs and cafes.

The first place I fell in love with was the North Coast wine shop/bar. As I sipped craft cider, people-watched out the big windows and basked in the hazy late afternoon sun, I thought I’d died and snuck into heaven. The second place was the Barrel at Bude, a tiny, dark, timeless pub which implements fines for mobile phone use and serves “proper cider”. I’m not a great drinker but I do put a lot of effort in, and this cider set me on a downward trajectory that was intensified by a couple of cocktails back at the North Coast place. Needless to say that falling in love that night proved just short of fatal.

Hartland Heritage Coast

I woke up the next morning fully aware that I’d once again proved to be “that friend” that can’t be taken anywhere, disappointed with myself but hugely grateful to have been returned to my van. A pint of tea later and we drove to the Hartland Heritage Coast to blow out the cobwebs with a coastal climb.

That didn’t exactly go as planned; first we ended up in a farmyard down a dead-end road, then halfway down a steep, scree-covered cliff, then we realised that the climb we wanted to do (Wrecker’s Slab) was a few miles along the coast. Unfazed, we hiked along the South West Coast Path and stopped overlooking Vicarage Cliff. Although the rock looked lovely, it was totally inaccessible for a few hours around high tide and – consistent with our luck – high tide was about 1pm.

Despite being a little hungover and gutted about our failed climbing plans, the beauty of the rugged cliffs, moody sky and vast, boatless sea wasn’t wasted on us. We dumped our kit and went exploring, breathing in the salty, tangy air, dipping toes in the crystal clear stream and watching the sea crash relentlessly over jagged rocks and deserted, grey beach as we recovered on the soft, tufty grass. Heads cleared, we hiked back to Morwenstow via Hawker’s Hut, a lovely little driftwood folly, and went for one in The Bush. Lovely pub, great sandwiches, 10/10.

Sheepstor

Determined to climb, we drove to Dartmoor mid-afternoon and hiked up to Sheepstor. It was damp, foggy and exposed, but despite wet rock and dwindling light we managed a humble route (“Sheltered Crack”) up the tor. On a dry day the granite would have been lovely and grippy, with loads of gear placement, but being a) February and b) England it was slippery and algae-covered. One to return to…

It turns out that circumnavigating a foggy, rock-strewn tor in search of the biggest rock face is pretty disorienting. Fortunately the group had enough skill and (in my case) experience of being lost to get back to the car park before dark. Pleased to have a climb under our belts, we drove across the vast, open moorland to the Warren House Inn, where we spent a lovely evening enjoying a few gentle drinks and some great company.

Dewerstone

Sunday morning’s weather looked grey and mizzley, so we didn’t have high hopes for a decent climb. We optimistically headed south to climb the Dewerstone, one of the area’s best-known climbing spots. It’s a 50ish metre slab of rock in a fairytale-like wood, penetrated by a clear, rocky river and full of moss-covered trees. The rock was very damp at the base of the climb and the weekend’s alco-toll meant that we weren’t in peak physical condition, so we chose a very do-able route – “Mucky Gully”.

It was a really enjoyable climb because of the variety it offered – good holds, bridging and jamming – and its sheltered position. The rock was slippery at the bottom, but dry and really grippy from about halfway up. I had it easy as I seconded the climb so I can’t say how it was to lead, but we did it in three pitches to avoid running out of gear, particularly big stuff. By the time we reached the second pitch the sun had come out, and the view over the mossy woodland was lovely.

Having taken our time to enjoy the climb, we wandered back through the woods and headed homeward across the moor. I stopped briefly at Widecombe (pretty town, the Old Inn is okay but unremarkable), admired Haytor on the way past and exited Dartmoor reluctantly, drawn home only by the lure of a roast dinner and the unshakable burden of responsibilities. A near-perfect weekend.